True North

November 17th. That's the day I step back onto U.S. soil. It seemed like such a far off day and now it's barreling down on me. The thing is, it's welcome. I'm excited for the day where I see and embrace my friends, my family once more. The day I get to walk back into my house, my church, my old hang outs and remember what life was like before I left. The reality, though, is that it will all be different. I have changed and so has everyone else. I'll be looking at the world I came from with new lenses, new perspectives and people will be seeing me through more mature and grown eyes. I'm eagerly anticipating that time, to see everything an everyone as new, still holding on to what I know and building upon that with new experience and growth. It's the way of life...

This time in the apprenticeship has become extremely interesting. We're going through a process called "Life Compass". I've never been through something quite as thorough as this. It's a process by which we make a detailed map of our lives, everything we can think of, good and bad, that's shaped us. People, places, events, books, movies; you name it, it's on that map. Then we continue through those events to pick out life lessons, values, voices, and then sum it all up with a look to the future. We're in that part of the process, drafting a vision statement. We finished the first major step in doing that today, and let me just say, I am starting to feel alive. The more I think about what could be next, dreaming with God about what life could be, what ministry could be, I can feel my heart beating in my chest. There's a reality about growing closer to the heart of God that I'm just beginning to understand. It makes me feel so small, so fragile, yet strong and brave at the same time. Only in God can those two exist. Only in God can we be little children in His lap and tremendous leaders and warriors for His Kingdom.

So an update on ministry; a lot of good has been happening. Jody and I have really connected with a few guys we like to refer to as 'the boys'. These are the guys who've been a part of the Bible studies and just our lives in general. They've come to our home, eaten with us, stayed with us and really shown us who they are. Most of them have finally left the camp, found jobs and accommodation, and are trying to integrate back into South African society. That was our goal and our hope, but it's had some interesting side effects that I didn't really think about. Now they're too busy to really see us that often. One moved clear to another city. A few still live in Pretoria but their jobs keep them fairly occupied, the rest have scattered to some townships in our province. This makes it increasingly harder to pour into their lives. At first I was almost a little annoyed, to be completely honest. Then a realization hit me "This is the way it needs to be." They can't live in the camp forever, that wouldn't be healthy. They need to work, they need to make a life, that's what we always hoped. I realized that I was holding onto this ministry like it was ours, mine and Jody's, not God's. God created this opportunity for us to speak into the lives of these guys and now it's coming to an end. We have to believe that what we planted in them will grow. We have to entrust these guys back to God. Does that mean we can't still meet with them and help them? Of course not! There is always more that we can do, more that we can give. The thing that we have to realize is that this is God's not ours, it's not always going to look and feel the way we want it. As the writer of Job states "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" So we will continue to seek and work with the guys we've grown close to as their time permits, but through this I've learned so much about what mission is and could be.

For those of you who are interested in what's happening politically in Zimbabwe right now here is a link to an article about the latest deal between the parties that could be the beginning of something great. We are all hold our breath, watching, and praying so please join with us in praying for Zimbabwe.

To end I just want to leave you with a quote that my friend Mariah loves that's been resonating in my heart since last night. It's a little non sequitur for this post depending on how you look at it, but it's simply this:

"...the world will be saved by beauty."

from Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky