My Heart (Part 2).

Today is the day we leave. It came so fast, it almost feels too soon. But, as we all know so well, all things must come to an end, good or bad. What we can do is reflect on what has happened, not in a regretful sense or trying to hold on too much to what was, but to learn more about ourselves and press on into the future.

As I spoke about in my previous blog we have been working on a Heart Project. We finished them and shared them this past week, so without any further introduction, here is mine.


I feel that this is going to be something very difficult to explain in a blog, so what I will do is just explain what the piece says about my heart and you should be able to look at it and figure out what means what.

This year has been a year of exploring freedom. Not just freedom from sin, but freedom of mind and heart. The freedom to love, to express, to trust, and to be loved. Part of my coming to Africa is was also a search to find out who Jesus really is. I know a lot of people who have had bouts with skepticism, trying to figure out whether or not God even exists, is Jesus really the Son of God, that sort of thing. I've never had a problem with the existence of God and Jesus, but more of a skepticism that questions what we believe about his nature, his purpose for us, his plan for creation, all those things. I've had lot's of good and bad experiences, but they all point me back to myself. If you can see the top part of Africa, it's a collage of paintings of God or Jesus. They are surrounded by mirror pieces and stained glass. They represent my attempts to find Jesus. Over every one of the faces I put clear glass. This represents my pathetic attempts to put up walls between myself and God, he can see right through them every time. Thinking back over this past year, a lot of my experience has helped my to look back at myself. It's said that community is like a mirror, so over South Africa I did a mosaic of mirror pieces that are coming together to help me see a better image of myself and my own heart. In the middle of Africa I painted a human heart, it is my heart. The metal bars are broken through over my heart, because my heart first needs to be free before I can figure out the rest.

So there is my "brief" explanation. I'd rather tell you more about it in person, it would be a lot easier.

In my last post I also promised a bit of a look into the future. I've applied for and was accepted to come back for an internship here in South Africa with Nieucommunities. There are a lot of details that are coming together, such as support needed, when I will be coming back, and what the long term implications of this will be. It is safe to say that I am looking to come back for a long term position here in South Africa and this is the next step in doing so. What I do know is that it will be focused on my vision statement for my life and ministry that I wrote here. I want to share that with you all who have not heard it in hopes that you'll be able to understand a little better what this internship will be all about.

This vision that God has given me is yet to be complete. As I grow in Him and imagine what could be He takes me to new places and reveals His plan and purpose to me. So today I see myself strengthening and starting new monastic communities all over the world. I want to build relationships that reciprocally challenge and encourage each other. In these communities I dream of the following:

• I will create places of peace and rest for myself and for others. There will be an openness and acceptance of others where they are at. We will have the freedom to ask questions, seek answers and work our true calling. Together we will work out a rhythm of life which will include prayer, worship and fun together. There will be values that the whole community agrees on that will be expressed in everything that we do.
• There will be room for self-expression and creativity. God created me and the world around me and His Spirit and image lives inside of me therefore I have the ability to be creative and innovative. My life and the communities I am a part of should express themselves uniquely according to their DNA.
• I will have passion for the Church, locally and internationally. In my life I want to be a leaf and God’s Spirit the wind. I want to go where He sends me and leave when He decides. In these communities I want there to be an outward focus to those in need, those who can’t help themselves. I want to see Jesus in every person I meet and treat them like royalty at my table. What I have is God’s therefore it belongs to everyone.
  
  
• In these communities we will care for the world around us. We are co-creators with Christ and His salvation is for the whole world, including us. We will teach others how to care for creation in ways that are specific to their context.
  
  

In the end, I hope to be a part of new expressions of love and worship towards God and mission inside and outside our walls.

All that being said, I can't wait to be home and share more of my heart with all of you. I'm so ready to see my friends and family again, to be in familiar places and eat great Mexican food! All of you have been a great encouragement to me on this journey, but it's not over, not by a long shot. There is so much more that God has in store for all of us and I'm excited to be a part of that with all of you.

So, soon we will see each other face to face! Much love to all of you!!!

My Heart.

Tomorrow begins the last week of my apprenticeship here in South Africa.

I want to say thank you to all who have journeyed with me, supported me with prayer and finances and in general loved and cared for my heart.

This last couple of weeks we've been talking about just that, our hearts and what it will look like to go back home. I'm dedicating two posts this week to that. This one will focus on saying goodbye to South Africa and a special project that we are doing to express what that means for us. The next post will focus on what I'm looking forward to in coming home and what's on my horizon.

We had a big bash to say goodbye to our friends that we've made here in South Africa. People we've ministered to, ministered with and everyone around and in between. There are pictures of some of our boys who showed up. Unfortunately I just realized that since I was the one taking the pictures there were none of me. Don't worry though, those of you back home will get to see plenty of me really soon!


At one point in the evening we gave the guests a chance to get up and tell stories about their experiences with us. It brought me to tears to hear how our community had impacted the lives of people in this country. I especially had to choke tears back when a couple of our friends from Zimbabwe and one of my friends from a local township spoke about how Jodys and my life had impacted theirs. Sometimes when you're really out in a different culture, especially one as foreign to my culture as South Africa, you feel like you can never make an impact. Sometimes you feel like you could spend 10 years in a place and not make the kind of impact you or others would expect. So it really means the world when you hear that you did make even the slightest impact in someones life.


So, like I said, this past few weeks have been really focused on our hearts, our re-entry into our home culture and all the emotions and realities we are going to face when we get home. One way in which we explore the impact this year has had on our lives is through the Heart Project. The Heart Project is just that, an expression of your heart specifically related to our year here in South Africa. In order to prep for that we spent two days with a local artist that runs a shop and has experience in the area of Art Therapy. She really helped us to learn to express ourselves using any medium we would choose and allowing the art to come intuitively. The reality is that not everyone is an artist in the way we were practicing it, but everyone can create from within themselves. God created us with the ability to create and this was just one way of expressing that.

My Heart Project is still underway and will be finished this week but I figured that I could show you what I created in those two days. Now I feel compelled to give a little disclaimer to the fact that this is not something I normally do. I had fun and in some of these I quite surprised myself while others might not exactly get the best review from an art critic. In the end these were all expressions of what was and is happening inside of me and around me at the moment. I'll give a bit of an explanation of each piece; what was the inspiration, what do the colours and shapes represent, etc. So, here we go.

Day One

This was the first piece. It's called Dawn Breaks Through. We were just given the assignment to paint something just to get into the mood and feel of doing art. I've always had this image in my mind when reading Psalm 57 where is says "I will awaken the dawn" of a beautiful sunny sky meeting and meshing with a starry night sky and so I kind of abstractly threw paint on the paper and this is what came out.



This second one is called This Town is Dead. It's based off of lyrics from a song called Phages from the band The Most Serene Republic. The specific line says "This town is dead from too much living/We'll make our endings from new beginnings". They repeat that multiple times in the song and it was stuck in my head that morning. The colours at the top represent life that seems to be hovering above this dead town.

This one is called Broken Heart (I Wish You Were Here). This one is a bit more personal. An instruction that was given to us before we came to the workshop was to bring an object that had some sort of meaning or value to us. I brought a journal that was given to me by a close friend. In this journal they went through and randomly wrote notes of encouragement, verses, funny quotes, story reminders and just all sorts of stuff that was collected from years of journeying together. I decided I needed some inspiration and just kind of opened it up to a random page and it said this "Tell your dad about what you're doing in South Africa...", and then when you turn the page you see "He is proud of you!". For those of you who don't know, my father passed away tragically when I was 15 and I'm sure you realize that changed my life forever. So I began to think about that and went to get another piece of paper. When I went to pull it out the paper tore a bit on the top. The teacher said not to worry and just grab another one. Still not knowing what I was going to paint I just decided to keep that one. I began with the different colours as a representation of the spirit of Africa, it's bright, vibrant, full of life. Then came the black marks representing the hard times, uncertainty, emotional trials, hard lessons and bad experiences. I wasn't sure where to go from there and I painted the heart in the middle and I realized something. I don't want to just speak into the air to my dad, I want to tell him face to face. I want him to be here. I realized that I will always want that and I will never have that in this life. That's when I finished the rip and it went straight through my heart.


This was my last piece for the first day. It's simply titled Desire. It's a little bit of mixed media (really just a couple of pieces of paper pasted on with some writing on them, the rest is paint). We were asked to think about a question, idea, or anything that we were struggling with or trying to work out and then create something about that with any medium of our choice. I had recently read the book Journey of Desire by John Eldridge and had been struggling with the idea of desire. We get taught so many things in the church about desire that span the whole spectrum, from the idea that all our desires our evil to the thought that God grants all our desires. Those are two extremes, I know, but sometimes it's hard to find where to land. I have so many desires that I'm so afraid to express because I don't know that it's ok to do so. I'm beginning to learn how to dream again, how to imagine. So my desire is in the center here, surrounded by this dark blue that to me represents the unknown. Then there are all these compartments that represent a desire. Somehow they are all being held back by there barriers and I know that only God can help me to really understand and express them.

Day Two

We started the day with a little check-in, the idea being to use any medium to express how you were feeling at the beginning of the day. I'll be honest, I was feeling a little blank and distracted, so when she began to talk about this assignment the first thing that cam to my mind was this green dinosaur. I don't know why, I still can't explain it, but I couldn't get rid of it. So I had to make him. I felt a little silly and then decided to make him a little friend, that's how the little blue guy came about (He was later attacked by a three year old and made into a little ball. Luckily he was saved and I revived him, though you can tell he's still a little mangled!). Then I had some sort of realization. When we wake up, for the most part, we are an emotional blank slate. The first thing that happens to us, be it a memory from the day before, the first greeting from a spouse, whoever (or whatever) lives in your house, or the song on the alarm clock that wakes you up. Sometimes, however, nothing significant happens and you get the rare chance to make a choice about what you get to feel. That day was one of those days for me. So that day, I chose to feel dinosaur. My hope was that focusing on something fun and a little silly would cause me to feel joy. It worked.

Our final assignment was focused on the heart project. At that time I really had no idea what I wanted to do for mine. So I sat for a while and though, and then the last stanza of the Robert Frost poem The Road Not Taken came to mind. It says this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So that was the inspiration of this painting. I know that there are lots of places I could be right now, other countries, states, communities, but I chose this one. The same will be for my heart project. I can choose any medium, any style, any experience to pull from, but I will choose one, and that will make all the difference.



I hope you enjoyed those and they helped you to understand just a bit of what this year has meant for me. In my next blog, as I said, I will be looking forward to what it will mean to be home and what the future holds for me.

Random pictures...

I figure its been a while since I've posted any pictures from just day to day life and something today just told me "Post pictures today on your blog". So, here they are (in no particular order)...



My birthday pancake.

My chore is the pool. This is what it looked like one night after the wind. Pretty, but annoying.

Just a pretty picture of the Jacaranda leaves that fell on my buddy's bible.

Some of our friends from Sosh enjoying the pool

Joe giving me a funny look during a lecture at our Creation Care weekend that we hosted.

Roger doing the same...

Kelly giving me a funny face in the kitchen (a lot of funny faces in this community).

Jody, Manatsa and myself getting ready to go our ministry in the city.

The night cityscape of downtown Pretoria

The daughter of one of our Zim friends

This is our dog Chippy, most likely one of his dirtiest moments. He's actually white.

Luc, Chris, and myself eating what you see below. We like to call it a "township burger". It contains basically everything.

Mmmmmm....

Us and some of the boys. Left to right; me, Manatsa, Jody, Allen and Herbert


I hope you guys enjoyed these photos! Just a little piece of my life here in Africa.

True North

November 17th. That's the day I step back onto U.S. soil. It seemed like such a far off day and now it's barreling down on me. The thing is, it's welcome. I'm excited for the day where I see and embrace my friends, my family once more. The day I get to walk back into my house, my church, my old hang outs and remember what life was like before I left. The reality, though, is that it will all be different. I have changed and so has everyone else. I'll be looking at the world I came from with new lenses, new perspectives and people will be seeing me through more mature and grown eyes. I'm eagerly anticipating that time, to see everything an everyone as new, still holding on to what I know and building upon that with new experience and growth. It's the way of life...

This time in the apprenticeship has become extremely interesting. We're going through a process called "Life Compass". I've never been through something quite as thorough as this. It's a process by which we make a detailed map of our lives, everything we can think of, good and bad, that's shaped us. People, places, events, books, movies; you name it, it's on that map. Then we continue through those events to pick out life lessons, values, voices, and then sum it all up with a look to the future. We're in that part of the process, drafting a vision statement. We finished the first major step in doing that today, and let me just say, I am starting to feel alive. The more I think about what could be next, dreaming with God about what life could be, what ministry could be, I can feel my heart beating in my chest. There's a reality about growing closer to the heart of God that I'm just beginning to understand. It makes me feel so small, so fragile, yet strong and brave at the same time. Only in God can those two exist. Only in God can we be little children in His lap and tremendous leaders and warriors for His Kingdom.

So an update on ministry; a lot of good has been happening. Jody and I have really connected with a few guys we like to refer to as 'the boys'. These are the guys who've been a part of the Bible studies and just our lives in general. They've come to our home, eaten with us, stayed with us and really shown us who they are. Most of them have finally left the camp, found jobs and accommodation, and are trying to integrate back into South African society. That was our goal and our hope, but it's had some interesting side effects that I didn't really think about. Now they're too busy to really see us that often. One moved clear to another city. A few still live in Pretoria but their jobs keep them fairly occupied, the rest have scattered to some townships in our province. This makes it increasingly harder to pour into their lives. At first I was almost a little annoyed, to be completely honest. Then a realization hit me "This is the way it needs to be." They can't live in the camp forever, that wouldn't be healthy. They need to work, they need to make a life, that's what we always hoped. I realized that I was holding onto this ministry like it was ours, mine and Jody's, not God's. God created this opportunity for us to speak into the lives of these guys and now it's coming to an end. We have to believe that what we planted in them will grow. We have to entrust these guys back to God. Does that mean we can't still meet with them and help them? Of course not! There is always more that we can do, more that we can give. The thing that we have to realize is that this is God's not ours, it's not always going to look and feel the way we want it. As the writer of Job states "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" So we will continue to seek and work with the guys we've grown close to as their time permits, but through this I've learned so much about what mission is and could be.

For those of you who are interested in what's happening politically in Zimbabwe right now here is a link to an article about the latest deal between the parties that could be the beginning of something great. We are all hold our breath, watching, and praying so please join with us in praying for Zimbabwe.

To end I just want to leave you with a quote that my friend Mariah loves that's been resonating in my heart since last night. It's a little non sequitur for this post depending on how you look at it, but it's simply this:

"...the world will be saved by beauty."

from Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Mission as a gift from God

So today was an interesting day. In my mentoring time I really began to struggle with thoughts about why I do what I do. More specifically, what is it that I have to offer? What are my gifts, talents, etc. that I bring to ministry/mission. This has been an on again off again struggle for me. The reality is that I need to be more focused on my identity in Christ, that is, not define myself by what I can do or what I bring to the table but what He has to say about me. Part of the struggle is that I can't find ministry that I am truly passionate about and I can't remember doing something that really brought me energy and made me alive. Sure I've done ministry that I've enjoyed, music mostly, but I know that there is more than that for me, something beyond what I've been doing. There is something that lays untapped, dormant in my soul. Maybe the key is in finding my true identity, my name in God.

But that's not why I'm writing this.

I'm still working on all that stuff, but in the midst of that struggle God has given me a gift. In His great love and mercy for me He allowed me to experience something amazing tonight.

Tuesday nights are our normal ministry nights with the Zim refugees. So, like normal, Jody, Manatsa and I went out to the camp. We normally just hang out for a while, waiting for some of the guys to get out of work and just generally visiting with people that we know. After a little while a few guys that we know and that occasionally come out to the bible study walked to the middle of the camp and started to sing in Shona. When I asked someone told me that they were singing "We are here to pray, come pray with us." I hadn't ever seen them do this before, so we went and joined in with them (yes, I do occasionally sing in Shona, though I have no idea what I'm saying). At one point the "leader" gave a signal then we all got on our knees to pray. It followed suit like this for a while, occasionally someone would start reading scripture and preaching. It was amazing. Then one of the guys came to me while they were singing and handed me a Bible, whispering to me "Can you give us a word?" How on earth can I turn that down?

Now, I have preached before, but I wouldn't label that as one of my top favourite things to do. It's also something that I really feel like I need to prepare for. I do believe that I have the gift of teaching, but not necessarily in that setting or with that little time. But they wanted me to do it. They wanted to hear the word of the Lord. So while they were singing and some others were sharing I did a quick thumb through this KJV New Testament and when it came time I stood up and I preached. Now one thing you should understand about African church culture, it's very much lively and loud. I don't care if it's a Baptist, Methodist, Assembly of God, pick your denomination, these people know how to preach. So, in the best lively way I could, I talked to them about how love goes beyond what we think is necessary, about loving your enemies, and about how when we don't love perfectly we are still connected to God because nothing can separate us from Him. I finished (much faster than my Shona speaking brothers) and we sang another couple of songs and then it was back down to our knees for everyone to pray.

In that moment I realized what had just happened. God had given me that moment as a gift. It was as if He was saying to me "Chris, I know you're having a hard time right now. I know you want to have it all figured out, to know what it is you're supposed to do, and soon you will. Until then, I give this moment in time to you. Treasure it. Let it drive you forward in your journey. I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I care." It was all I could do to praise Him and give Him thanks. When I was struggling most with my calling and gifting He gave me an opportunity right in the middle of my ministry to do just that, to minister.

That feels like a lot of rambling, I'm still just really excited about it all (this happened about 2 hours ago). I guess what I'm really beginning to understand is that mission is more than just what we do for others. When we are doing what God has made us to do, what we were always meant to do, mission is a gift to us from God.

Thin places in the Kingdom...

At this moment I’m suddenly encouraged by thoughts of the kingdom.

That may seem like a weird statement (when I read it I think it is) but I’ve come to find that in my life I have these bizarre moments where my heart feels warm and I realize that I’m in one of those “thin places” where the kingdom of God is so near that I feel as if I could just reach through and step into it.

Maybe I’ve had too many cups of coffee, maybe it’s just a combination music, reading blogs, looking at pictures, and thinking about my own emotional state that just create this moment. I honestly don’t know. I do believe, however, that God is near. He is so very near, at every moment, and that there are just some moments that He knows we need Him to touch our hearts. It’s like when a significant other spontaneously says that thing you love to hear or just gently touches you at the right moment and you feel the love that you crave when you weren’t even expecting it. We’ve done nothing in that moment to deserve/ask for this love, but they freely give it because of their mysterious love for us (mysterious because I sometimes wonder why anyone would ever or could ever love me).

I’ve actually been experiencing love in a new way this week. I dove off a cliff (metaphorically speaking) into a new realm of community, laying bare my heart in scary, embarrassing, intimate ways. I sometimes still feel strange when I look around at people who now know my heart more than some ever will and feel extremely vulnerable. There are people who now have the knowledge and power to hurt me at the very core of who I am. They can throw salt into and rip open a wound that has been healing for years (and isn’t quite healed yet.

Their response, love.

They have loved me and continue to see me through this time. When you live in that tension of being able to be hurt by anyone by no one does it community reaches a whole new dimension. The question was asked, and is still being asked, what if this is what community always looked like?

I believe that this is what the kingdom looks like, a place where we experience it not just in serving and intentional times of seeking, but in the random (or not so random) moments when we feel unloved and abandoned, moments where we least expect to feel the touch of God. It’s in those moments, too, that the kingdom is near.

Shamari Wangu!

Hello all! It's been a while, I know. Things have been very busy here, but I decided that it was about time to let you all know what we've been up to here in beautiful Africa.

We've really fallen into the rhythm of apprenticeship at this point. We are in the Contending posture now. It's about fighting to see the kingdom of God present in the situations and lives around us. This has become very real in the situation myself and Jody find ourselves in working with Zimbabwe refugees. What does the reality of the present kingdom of God mean for them?

To brag a little bit on my friend Jody (he's the guy who got me involved with the refugees), he has made a real effort to not just work with the refugees at the camp but to find people even in our own backyard. One of the guys he met, Manatsa, became a regular part of our communities lives. He was living here in Pretoria North at a construction site that he was working at, which is common for anyone who can find work. As our community became more burdened for what was happening to the Zimbabwe people here and in their own country we started asking more questions of ourselves about what we could do now, besides just praying about it. We can't go in and overthrow the government, but how can we see the kingdom of God manifest for those around us? We decided that we should take Manatsa into our home. After a little bit of room hopping he has more permanently become my roommate. He is a great guy and a man of God. Recently we started a bible study with some of the people we know from the camp that we go to and Manatsa has been coming and helping us with it. It's been such an amazing experience doing this bible study. Jody and I have actually only led a couple. Some of the Christians at the camp got so excited about the way we do bible study that they started leading some themselves. It's been a great exercise in humility and openness to realize that it's not just me who has something to teach these people, but they have a lot to teach me!

This Manatsa teaching me how to cook pap, a traditional African food.

The language you see behind you on the white board is Shona, the major language of Zimbabwe. This is one of two lessons in which I found out that I'm not very good at learning languages...

Over all things are going really well here. It's very strange to look back at the person I was before I came on this trip. It's hard to explain it or put my finger on it, but things are just different. One thing that an apprentice from Scotland said to me while I was there that really confirmed that I wanted to do this apprenticeship was that he really saw himself becoming more like Jesus. Now, this may sound like an arrogant or just weird statement at first, but I really get what he was trying to say. I see it in myself. I'm starting to think differently, look at the world differently, even look at God differently. Now this doesn't make me feel any holier than I did yesterday. The reality is that the more you begin to know about God the less you actually know about him, the deeper the mystery becomes. It's like in a mystery story when what was thought to be the last clue was uncovered, only to find that the mystery was more complex than you could have ever imagined. The goal seems to be to become ok with that, to become ok with the mystery, the ambiguity. The other part is that the closer you seem to get to God, the more desperate you are for him. There is this idea I recently read about (How (Not) to Speak of God by Pete Rollins) that takes Pascal's idea of the "God-shaped hole" that we all have in us and turns it a bit on its head. The original thought with the God-shaped hole was that all mankind has this hole in them that we try to fill with all manner of things, but only God can truly satisfy or "fill" that need in us. Rollins says that maybe when our lives intersect with Gods, when our stories become intertwined, the wake of Gods movement through our lives creates a hole, almost like a black hole, that can never be satisfied. There is more of God than we can ever understand so this void in us never completely fills. We will never know enough or be close enough, there will always be more.

So with that I will sign off. I love you all and miss you like CRAZY! I know it's a little early to be thinking this but I can't wait to be home. I truly love Africa and I see traveling as a part of my short and long term future but I've never been this far and this long away from friends and family. You all have a special place in my heart and I can't wait to celebrate what God has done in my life and in Africa with you face to face. Until then I will soak up every moment and opportunity I can. So, until next time, cheers!

Prayers and Creeds

Hey everyone, I'm going to be posting on a new blog that some friends of mine and I have started called Prayers and Creeds. Click on the link to check it and find out what it's all about. Email me if you want to know more.

God's Economy

So I'm going to play a little word association game with you. I'm going to say a phrase, and then I want you to remember the first thing that comes to mind. Ok? Here we go...


Fair Trade...


So what did you think of? That's right, coffee. Now I'm all about the fair trade coffee and we have a pretty rad supplier of strictly African fair trade goodness, but why does fair trade have to apply directly to coffee? What can't it be a much bigger idea than that?

I am writing this because I just started downloading Derek Webb's cd the Ringing Bell for free. And not the good old fashion pirate way, but a legitimate site from some artists who had an interesting idea; fair trade music. What if we let you pick the price of the cd? Or better yet, if you just spread the word about it we'll let you download it for free, because we want a different type of connection with our fans. There are several artists on this site and you can go there (http://www.noisetrade.com) and read more about what they're doing. Especially for musicians, the idea of allowing their music to be downloaded for free instead of for a fee is a counter cultural idea.

Now this got me to thinking about the idea of trading goods for goods and what it would look like if people stopped caring so much about cold, hard cash and started sharing what they had without cost to those who needed it. What could happen if we stopped relying on the all mighty dollar (Rand, Euro, Pound, or wherever your form of currency) and started helping those in need, and in turn they would help you in your need? This isn't a new concept, it's the early church in Acts. Now most of us who have been on this journey for some time know this story. We read it, say "What a nice thought" and go back to life as normal, maybe throwing a little extra cash in the basket this week at church and feel good about ourselves. I'm the guiltiest of all in this, because even though I have that nice afterthought that everything I have belongs to God, the way my life plays out doesn't show it. What I have is mine. I've worked for it (or in my current case I did the leg work to raise it) and I should determine where it goes and what it does, and I hold onto it with a not-so-loose grip. That is not the economy of God's kingdom. When will I truly follow Jesus's teaching on money? It's not at all about 10% of my wealth, but it's about everything I have. It's about my money, food, clothes, car, home, friends, trade/vocation, it's about everything I have to offer this world. What if my 10% is actually cheating God?

So, what would the implications be if we all started sharing? And I mean really sharing without interest, without a sense of personal justice, without holding it over someones head when they have taken more than they have given. Could it then be possible that we could then know no one who had need? What if the church, God's people, are the avenue through which God wants His people to not worry about tomorrow? Jesus speaks about the birds of the air and the flowers in the fields, and how he cares for them regardless of what they do for the kingdom. Could we care for people without considering what they can do for us, what they have to offer us? I know that's a stretch for me, but it seems that in God's economy this is the very point he is trying to make, that the last are first.

When I drink a cup of fair trade coffee, what does that mean? It means that someone who was once making next to nothing for their work is now being paid a fair wage for their labor and in some cases are also better educated in how to do their job (ie, better farming techniques). In one case that I was a actually able to hear from the source, a woman who could only send one child to school can now send both due to the fact that she was being paid a fair wage and was also taught better ways to farm her crops. Though it's small, I think thats a picture of the kingdom on earth.

To My Friends On The Feed...

I've had a few people comment to me that they have me on an RSS feed and do not desire to get 20 messages from me when I've updated my blog! So if that's you, you'll know because you'll see this on your feed since I'm not promoting this specific blog. Leave a comment so I know who you are and I'll take you out of the emailing/facebook messaging lists. Thanks!

Communion Time With The Kids

I have been a part of many different types of communion services. As an "emergent" generation of followers of Jesus we somewhat pride ourselves on creativity. Tonight I was broken by such a different way of doing things. One of our apprentices who comes from the Brethren tradition took us though a somewhat similar communion service that they might go through in their church. After a powerful time of reflection, prayer and song we brought the children in...

Now before I continue, I have a confession to make. Normally, bringing children into any worship time just gets on my nerves. They don't have a very good attention span, usually they make some sort of noise, and overall just distract me from whats going on. I'm also not a parent, so maybe I haven't built up the tolerance to their carrying on and such. Through a few small ways I have been challenged in how I feel about this but tonight was different.

(no pics from during communion, that just wouldn't have felt right)

So, we bring the children in (playing a bit of children style worship) and we handed them the elements, but instead of us serving them, they served us communion. Now, I know there are all sorts of theological and pragmatic reasons someone may try and throw at me as to why this isn't a good idea, but when you have a beautiful 4 year old girl, completely loved and treasured by the Father, serving the element of the blood of Christ with the biggest smile on her face, something inside you breaks. She probably doesn't get it all and it may be a long time before she does, but there was something holy about this small group of children, so innocent, serving us one of the holiest sacraments. I was simply undone and my only thought was of the verse where Jesus said to let the children come. He has called us to be like the children, in all their innocence and wonder, proudly serving this world with a hope and love they we have barely caught a glimpse of.

So in our services, churches, communion times, though it may be a little different and they might not get it all, maybe we should let the children come.

The Current State of My Heart

This entry is a little different. It doesn't have a lot about what I've been doing because I think you've been seeing a lot of that. I do plan on an update soon with my ministry and what's happening in the community, but I really felt like sharing what's on my heart and just being honest with where I'm at, so here it goes...

You see, I have a tendency to just coast through life. I get everything in order as best I can and hope that nothing really important happens to derail life as I know it. When I get in this mode I can tend to overlook the seemingly small details that in all reality will change my life. While taking a personal holiday in Johannesburg God kind of got my attention. While lost in a slightly dodgey part of town I got into a car accident. Now, everyone was fine, it was just a fender bender, but it shook me up a bit. What really became the problem was that I was stuck alone in Johannesburg with very little hope of immediate rescue. So I spent a few days where I was staying, relatively alone accept for the occasional visits of the one friend I had in Joburg, waiting for someone to drive out there and get me. Well, God showed up. He began to show me that I was beginning to coast through my year here in South Africa. It's not that I'm not doing anything. I mean, I have a ministry with the Zimbabwe refugees, I have my teaching times here with Nieucommunities, I have my house chores, and in the end a plethora of other things to keep me busy. Funny thing is, He didn't call me to South Africa to be busy, He called me here to change my life. All these opportunities for ministry are great and the teaching times and relationships are awesome, but if I'm only going skin deep, if I'm skimming on the assignments, not really doing my reading, not going deep with my friends, no, my family here, than what's really changing my life? The answer would be nothing. It's possible to do all the right things and be in all of the right places and never allow your heart to be transformed. I decided that's not what I wanted and it has made all the difference. This last month has been one of the most amazing months of my time here and the best way that I can explain it is that I'm paying attention to the little things. Do I get it right every day? No. Am I experiencing the grace, mercy and love of God? Yes.

I have a friend Will who recently posted a blog talking about identity. He spoke about how he feels like God is restoring his identity, and I think that is true for me as well. I think for too long we've allowed our identity as the beloved children of God to be stolen from us by the lies of the enemy that make us think that we just aren't good enough, whatever that means for each person. It could be a vice, character flaw, something you've done, something you haven't done, what others are saying about you, what they're not saying... all these things and many, many more can cause us to buy into the lies that seem to put a wall up between us and God. It's a wall, my friends, that we were never meant to scale. Earlier in this year I got a picture in my head of a wall in my heart. This wall wasn't something that I was supposed to climb or tear down, I was just supposed to wait. It seemed like the answers to a lot of questions I have, questions about God, my calling, my future, and such were behind this wall, but there was nothing I could to to tear it down myself. I can see now that He's been tearing the wall down from His side and I'm catching glimpses, some larger than others, of what He's doing in my life. The funny thing is He isn't answering any of my questions. Instead He's showing me who I am. Not who I think I am, but the person He is molding and shaping me to be. This is causing me to face up to a lot of the lies and what damage they've done, but He's calling me back. He's renewing me. In following Him, His calling, mission, and love, I am learning to truly be a follower of Jesus, to be His disciple. We were talking today about how to communicate what it is we do here, a summation statement of sorts. It boils down to this:

We are a missional community helping others to follow in the ways of Jesus.

I pray that this is true of me, that it is true of us all.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I really don't deserve it, I know, but for some reason God saw it fit in this time to allow all of us to journey together even though it may be halfway across the world. Let me know how you all are, how I can be praying for you and encouraging you!

March Against Xenophobia

Today was Africa Day, a day to celebrate the forming of the Organization of African Unity (now the African Union, or AU). Normally it's a day to celebrate African independence and pride, but today was different. Africans here in South Africa decided that it was time to take a stand against Xenophobic attacks happening right here in our province. Zimbabweans, Congolese, Malawians, Mozambicans, and more have been subject to violence in the name of fear and hatred. On this day they decided to march, and we marched with them. In the past I've really wondered what a march could accomplish. I know that even America's history is marked with different marches for independence, rights, and freedom. But in this day and age, is that effective anymore? Well, I still don't have the answers to that, but to see the hope in peoples faces, to hear the songs for freedom, to march along side Africans in their hope for a better future, this is something I see as worth it. So Brian, Doug, Mariah, Manasseh (a friend from Zimbabwe), and myself went out. These are the pictures from this time. It was an amazing time, even when the rain hit. We sang, we danced, and we created hope for the future.
















At the end of the March there were a few speeches. One given by a woman who traveled down for this march from Zimbabwe. She spoke of many marches being had up there, and every time being beaten and sometimes imprisoned for the hope they have for a new nation. After several more speakers, one of the youth from Zimbabwe read a letter written to President Mbeki (the South African president). In essence, the letter stated that what has been happening to foreigners in South Africa was unacceptable and that whatever the government is doing to help is simply not enough. It also spoke about the South African governments lack of involvement in the political situation in Zimbabwe and how this country needs to help to step in and mediate for a better outcome. They listed the hopes and demands of the people, most of which I couldn't really hear over the crowd and through the rain. In the end the document was signed by several of the leaders of organizations present for the march and handed over to the Presidents aid who promised that it would make it into his hands. We finished the day singing the South African National Anthem (well, they sang, I listened). It was a good day and a hopeful day.






Here are a couple of videos from the march. Possibly more to come!

Zim Refugees

So this post is just a series of pictures that I took while visiting with the Zimbabwe refugees. As a community we've been really taking a focus on the situation here in South Africa. With all of the Xenophobic attacks and personal interaction with Zimbabweans it has touched each of our hearts in a different way. In spending time with the people and hearing their stories I get to witness an opportunity. An opportunity we have and an opportunity to see God work in an amazing way. I hope these pictures and stories give you a window into that.

Kids playing amongst the rubble, somewhat ignorant of their situation they still have smiles on their face.

This is one of the areas that people sleep in. It's coming on winter here in South Africa which means really cold nights, so this is the best refuge they have.

This day the local Muslim community came out to provide a meal. They've been extremely helpful and have given a lot of time and energy to the crisis.

This was a choir from a local church that showed up to sing for the refugees. It was a beautiful time of song and dance. Once I figure out how to compress videos I'll throw a few up here!

These are just some of the children living in the shelter. The bottom one is named Prince and when I was holding him he was very insistent about kissing me on the nose!

A favorite pastime here at the shelter, checkers! There are a few rules that are indigenous to South Africa that I'm not to sure of yet, but I think I'll get the hang of it some day. Jody bought them this set when we saw they were playing with bottle caps on a drawn out board. They are also amazing at chess!

These are just pictures that take a look around where they are living. They are trying to make the best of it, cleaning up areas and setting up "rooms" with tires and large pieces of trash.

One of my friends, Andrew, took a trip to Zimbabwe not to long ago and put together a field report (this is a link to a blog which has a link to the report) which I think that everyone should read. It is showing the violence that is happening to the people of Zimbabwe as well as the hope that people still have for this once great nation. There is a warning on the other blog, but I'll just tell you that the pictures there are not easy to look at. This is the reality of what evil can do.