Where does the time go?

It's been a looong time since I've posted on here. So much has happened, so I'll jump right into it!

I've decided to take a step of faith and go back to South Africa. Those of you who attend Crosspoint heard me speak about a month ago about being at a crossroads, about making decisions whole listening to God, this is the result of that very process. There will be more details coming as I share my story with Crosspoint and other churches in the area. I plan on keeping you all up to date through this blog, emails, as well as a Facebook group that I'm starting where my friends and supporters can interact with each other and keep up with me.

To those who supported me last year in my time with NieuCommunities, I thank you again. It was the greatest experience I've had to date. That's because I plan on having many more experiences better and more life changing than that one. Email me, call me, kidnap me so we can talk and I can tell you the stories of things past and we can talk about the great things to come!

True North

November 17th. That's the day I step back onto U.S. soil. It seemed like such a far off day and now it's barreling down on me. The thing is, it's welcome. I'm excited for the day where I see and embrace my friends, my family once more. The day I get to walk back into my house, my church, my old hang outs and remember what life was like before I left. The reality, though, is that it will all be different. I have changed and so has everyone else. I'll be looking at the world I came from with new lenses, new perspectives and people will be seeing me through more mature and grown eyes. I'm eagerly anticipating that time, to see everything an everyone as new, still holding on to what I know and building upon that with new experience and growth. It's the way of life...

This time in the apprenticeship has become extremely interesting. We're going through a process called "Life Compass". I've never been through something quite as thorough as this. It's a process by which we make a detailed map of our lives, everything we can think of, good and bad, that's shaped us. People, places, events, books, movies; you name it, it's on that map. Then we continue through those events to pick out life lessons, values, voices, and then sum it all up with a look to the future. We're in that part of the process, drafting a vision statement. We finished the first major step in doing that today, and let me just say, I am starting to feel alive. The more I think about what could be next, dreaming with God about what life could be, what ministry could be, I can feel my heart beating in my chest. There's a reality about growing closer to the heart of God that I'm just beginning to understand. It makes me feel so small, so fragile, yet strong and brave at the same time. Only in God can those two exist. Only in God can we be little children in His lap and tremendous leaders and warriors for His Kingdom.

So an update on ministry; a lot of good has been happening. Jody and I have really connected with a few guys we like to refer to as 'the boys'. These are the guys who've been a part of the Bible studies and just our lives in general. They've come to our home, eaten with us, stayed with us and really shown us who they are. Most of them have finally left the camp, found jobs and accommodation, and are trying to integrate back into South African society. That was our goal and our hope, but it's had some interesting side effects that I didn't really think about. Now they're too busy to really see us that often. One moved clear to another city. A few still live in Pretoria but their jobs keep them fairly occupied, the rest have scattered to some townships in our province. This makes it increasingly harder to pour into their lives. At first I was almost a little annoyed, to be completely honest. Then a realization hit me "This is the way it needs to be." They can't live in the camp forever, that wouldn't be healthy. They need to work, they need to make a life, that's what we always hoped. I realized that I was holding onto this ministry like it was ours, mine and Jody's, not God's. God created this opportunity for us to speak into the lives of these guys and now it's coming to an end. We have to believe that what we planted in them will grow. We have to entrust these guys back to God. Does that mean we can't still meet with them and help them? Of course not! There is always more that we can do, more that we can give. The thing that we have to realize is that this is God's not ours, it's not always going to look and feel the way we want it. As the writer of Job states "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" So we will continue to seek and work with the guys we've grown close to as their time permits, but through this I've learned so much about what mission is and could be.

For those of you who are interested in what's happening politically in Zimbabwe right now here is a link to an article about the latest deal between the parties that could be the beginning of something great. We are all hold our breath, watching, and praying so please join with us in praying for Zimbabwe.

To end I just want to leave you with a quote that my friend Mariah loves that's been resonating in my heart since last night. It's a little non sequitur for this post depending on how you look at it, but it's simply this:

"...the world will be saved by beauty."

from Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Mission as a gift from God

So today was an interesting day. In my mentoring time I really began to struggle with thoughts about why I do what I do. More specifically, what is it that I have to offer? What are my gifts, talents, etc. that I bring to ministry/mission. This has been an on again off again struggle for me. The reality is that I need to be more focused on my identity in Christ, that is, not define myself by what I can do or what I bring to the table but what He has to say about me. Part of the struggle is that I can't find ministry that I am truly passionate about and I can't remember doing something that really brought me energy and made me alive. Sure I've done ministry that I've enjoyed, music mostly, but I know that there is more than that for me, something beyond what I've been doing. There is something that lays untapped, dormant in my soul. Maybe the key is in finding my true identity, my name in God.

But that's not why I'm writing this.

I'm still working on all that stuff, but in the midst of that struggle God has given me a gift. In His great love and mercy for me He allowed me to experience something amazing tonight.

Tuesday nights are our normal ministry nights with the Zim refugees. So, like normal, Jody, Manatsa and I went out to the camp. We normally just hang out for a while, waiting for some of the guys to get out of work and just generally visiting with people that we know. After a little while a few guys that we know and that occasionally come out to the bible study walked to the middle of the camp and started to sing in Shona. When I asked someone told me that they were singing "We are here to pray, come pray with us." I hadn't ever seen them do this before, so we went and joined in with them (yes, I do occasionally sing in Shona, though I have no idea what I'm saying). At one point the "leader" gave a signal then we all got on our knees to pray. It followed suit like this for a while, occasionally someone would start reading scripture and preaching. It was amazing. Then one of the guys came to me while they were singing and handed me a Bible, whispering to me "Can you give us a word?" How on earth can I turn that down?

Now, I have preached before, but I wouldn't label that as one of my top favourite things to do. It's also something that I really feel like I need to prepare for. I do believe that I have the gift of teaching, but not necessarily in that setting or with that little time. But they wanted me to do it. They wanted to hear the word of the Lord. So while they were singing and some others were sharing I did a quick thumb through this KJV New Testament and when it came time I stood up and I preached. Now one thing you should understand about African church culture, it's very much lively and loud. I don't care if it's a Baptist, Methodist, Assembly of God, pick your denomination, these people know how to preach. So, in the best lively way I could, I talked to them about how love goes beyond what we think is necessary, about loving your enemies, and about how when we don't love perfectly we are still connected to God because nothing can separate us from Him. I finished (much faster than my Shona speaking brothers) and we sang another couple of songs and then it was back down to our knees for everyone to pray.

In that moment I realized what had just happened. God had given me that moment as a gift. It was as if He was saying to me "Chris, I know you're having a hard time right now. I know you want to have it all figured out, to know what it is you're supposed to do, and soon you will. Until then, I give this moment in time to you. Treasure it. Let it drive you forward in your journey. I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I care." It was all I could do to praise Him and give Him thanks. When I was struggling most with my calling and gifting He gave me an opportunity right in the middle of my ministry to do just that, to minister.

That feels like a lot of rambling, I'm still just really excited about it all (this happened about 2 hours ago). I guess what I'm really beginning to understand is that mission is more than just what we do for others. When we are doing what God has made us to do, what we were always meant to do, mission is a gift to us from God.