RSS Feed (xml)
It's been a looong time since I've posted on here. So much has happened, so I'll jump right into it!
I've decided to take a step of faith and go back to South Africa. Those of you who attend Crosspoint heard me speak about a month ago about being at a crossroads, about making decisions whole listening to God, this is the result of that very process. There will be more details coming as I share my story with Crosspoint and other churches in the area. I plan on keeping you all up to date through this blog, emails, as well as a Facebook group that I'm starting where my friends and supporters can interact with each other and keep up with me.
To those who supported me last year in my time with NieuCommunities, I thank you again. It was the greatest experience I've had to date. That's because I plan on having many more experiences better and more life changing than that one. Email me, call me, kidnap me so we can talk and I can tell you the stories of things past and we can talk about the great things to come!
Showing posts with label Nieucommunities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nieucommunities. Show all posts
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, November 9, 2008
My Heart.
Tomorrow begins the last week of my apprenticeship here in South Africa.
I want to say thank you to all who have journeyed with me, supported me with prayer and finances and in general loved and cared for my heart.
This last couple of weeks we've been talking about just that, our hearts and what it will look like to go back home. I'm dedicating two posts this week to that. This one will focus on saying goodbye to South Africa and a special project that we are doing to express what that means for us. The next post will focus on what I'm looking forward to in coming home and what's on my horizon.
We had a big bash to say goodbye to our friends that we've made here in South Africa. People we've ministered to, ministered with and everyone around and in between. There are pictures of some of our boys who showed up. Unfortunately I just realized that since I was the one taking the pictures there were none of me. Don't worry though, those of you back home will get to see plenty of me really soon!
At one point in the evening we gave the guests a chance to get up and tell stories about their experiences with us. It brought me to tears to hear how our community had impacted the lives of people in this country. I especially had to choke tears back when a couple of our friends from Zimbabwe and one of my friends from a local township spoke about how Jodys and my life had impacted theirs. Sometimes when you're really out in a different culture, especially one as foreign to my culture as South Africa, you feel like you can never make an impact. Sometimes you feel like you could spend 10 years in a place and not make the kind of impact you or others would expect. So it really means the world when you hear that you did make even the slightest impact in someones life.
So, like I said, this past few weeks have been really focused on our hearts, our re-entry into our home culture and all the emotions and realities we are going to face when we get home. One way in which we explore the impact this year has had on our lives is through the Heart Project. The Heart Project is just that, an expression of your heart specifically related to our year here in South Africa. In order to prep for that we spent two days with a local artist that runs a shop and has experience in the area of Art Therapy. She really helped us to learn to express ourselves using any medium we would choose and allowing the art to come intuitively. The reality is that not everyone is an artist in the way we were practicing it, but everyone can create from within themselves. God created us with the ability to create and this was just one way of expressing that.
My Heart Project is still underway and will be finished this week but I figured that I could show you what I created in those two days. Now I feel compelled to give a little disclaimer to the fact that this is not something I normally do. I had fun and in some of these I quite surprised myself while others might not exactly get the best review from an art critic. In the end these were all expressions of what was and is happening inside of me and around me at the moment. I'll give a bit of an explanation of each piece; what was the inspiration, what do the colours and shapes represent, etc. So, here we go.
This was the first piece. It's called Dawn Breaks Through. We were just given the assignment to paint something just to get into the mood and feel of doing art. I've always had this image in my mind when reading Psalm 57 where is says "I will awaken the dawn" of a beautiful sunny sky meeting and meshing with a starry night sky and so I kind of abstractly threw paint on the paper and this is what came out.
This second one is called This Town is Dead. It's based off of lyrics from a song called Phages from the band The Most Serene Republic. The specific line says "This town is dead from too much living/We'll make our endings from new beginnings". They repeat that multiple times in the song and it was stuck in my head that morning. The colours at the top represent life that seems to be hovering above this dead town.
This one is called Broken Heart (I Wish You Were Here). This one is a bit more personal. An instruction that was given to us before we came to the workshop was to bring an object that had some sort of meaning or value to us. I brought a journal that was given to me by a close friend. In this journal they went through and randomly wrote notes of encouragement, verses, funny quotes, story reminders and just all sorts of stuff that was collected from years of journeying together. I decided I needed some inspiration and just kind of opened it up to a random page and it said this "Tell your dad about what you're doing in South Africa...", and then when you turn the page you see "He is proud of you!". For those of you who don't know, my father passed away tragically when I was 15 and I'm sure you realize that changed my life forever. So I began to think about that and went to get another piece of paper. When I went to pull it out the paper tore a bit on the top. The teacher said not to worry and just grab another one. Still not knowing what I was going to paint I just decided to keep that one. I began with the different colours as a representation of the spirit of Africa, it's bright, vibrant, full of life. Then came the black marks representing the hard times, uncertainty, emotional trials, hard lessons and bad experiences. I wasn't sure where to go from there and I painted the heart in the middle and I realized something. I don't want to just speak into the air to my dad, I want to tell him face to face. I want him to be here. I realized that I will always want that and I will never have that in this life. That's when I finished the rip and it went straight through my heart.
This was my last piece for the first day. It's simply titled Desire. It's a little bit of mixed media (really just a couple of pieces of paper pasted on with some writing on them, the rest is paint). We were asked to think about a question, idea, or anything that we were struggling with or trying to work out and then create something about that with any medium of our choice. I had recently read the book Journey of Desire by John Eldridge and had been struggling with the idea of desire. We get taught so many things in the church about desire that span the whole spectrum, from the idea that all our desires our evil to the thought that God grants all our desires. Those are two extremes, I know, but sometimes it's hard to find where to land. I have so many desires that I'm so afraid to express because I don't know that it's ok to do so. I'm beginning to learn how to dream again, how to imagine. So my desire is in the center here, surrounded by this dark blue that to me represents the unknown. Then there are all these compartments that represent a desire. Somehow they are all being held back by there barriers and I know that only God can help me to really understand and express them.
We started the day with a little check-in, the idea being to use any medium to express how you were feeling at the beginning of the day. I'll be honest, I was feeling a little blank and distracted, so when she began to talk about this assignment the first thing that cam to my mind was this green dinosaur. I don't know why, I still can't explain it, but I couldn't get rid of it. So I had to make him. I felt a little silly and then decided to make him a little friend, that's how the little blue guy came about (He was later attacked by a three year old and made into a little ball. Luckily he was saved and I revived him, though you can tell he's still a little mangled!). Then I had some sort of realization. When we wake up, for the most part, we are an emotional blank slate. The first thing that happens to us, be it a memory from the day before, the first greeting from a spouse, whoever (or whatever) lives in your house, or the song on the alarm clock that wakes you up. Sometimes, however, nothing significant happens and you get the rare chance to make a choice about what you get to feel. That day was one of those days for me. So that day, I chose to feel dinosaur. My hope was that focusing on something fun and a little silly would cause me to feel joy. It worked.
Our final assignment was focused on the heart project. At that time I really had no idea what I wanted to do for mine. So I sat for a while and though, and then the last stanza of the Robert Frost poem The Road Not Taken came to mind. It says this:
So that was the inspiration of this painting. I know that there are lots of places I could be right now, other countries, states, communities, but I chose this one. The same will be for my heart project. I can choose any medium, any style, any experience to pull from, but I will choose one, and that will make all the difference.
I hope you enjoyed those and they helped you to understand just a bit of what this year has meant for me. In my next blog, as I said, I will be looking forward to what it will mean to be home and what the future holds for me.
I want to say thank you to all who have journeyed with me, supported me with prayer and finances and in general loved and cared for my heart.
This last couple of weeks we've been talking about just that, our hearts and what it will look like to go back home. I'm dedicating two posts this week to that. This one will focus on saying goodbye to South Africa and a special project that we are doing to express what that means for us. The next post will focus on what I'm looking forward to in coming home and what's on my horizon.
We had a big bash to say goodbye to our friends that we've made here in South Africa. People we've ministered to, ministered with and everyone around and in between. There are pictures of some of our boys who showed up. Unfortunately I just realized that since I was the one taking the pictures there were none of me. Don't worry though, those of you back home will get to see plenty of me really soon!
At one point in the evening we gave the guests a chance to get up and tell stories about their experiences with us. It brought me to tears to hear how our community had impacted the lives of people in this country. I especially had to choke tears back when a couple of our friends from Zimbabwe and one of my friends from a local township spoke about how Jodys and my life had impacted theirs. Sometimes when you're really out in a different culture, especially one as foreign to my culture as South Africa, you feel like you can never make an impact. Sometimes you feel like you could spend 10 years in a place and not make the kind of impact you or others would expect. So it really means the world when you hear that you did make even the slightest impact in someones life.
So, like I said, this past few weeks have been really focused on our hearts, our re-entry into our home culture and all the emotions and realities we are going to face when we get home. One way in which we explore the impact this year has had on our lives is through the Heart Project. The Heart Project is just that, an expression of your heart specifically related to our year here in South Africa. In order to prep for that we spent two days with a local artist that runs a shop and has experience in the area of Art Therapy. She really helped us to learn to express ourselves using any medium we would choose and allowing the art to come intuitively. The reality is that not everyone is an artist in the way we were practicing it, but everyone can create from within themselves. God created us with the ability to create and this was just one way of expressing that.
My Heart Project is still underway and will be finished this week but I figured that I could show you what I created in those two days. Now I feel compelled to give a little disclaimer to the fact that this is not something I normally do. I had fun and in some of these I quite surprised myself while others might not exactly get the best review from an art critic. In the end these were all expressions of what was and is happening inside of me and around me at the moment. I'll give a bit of an explanation of each piece; what was the inspiration, what do the colours and shapes represent, etc. So, here we go.
Day One
This was the first piece. It's called Dawn Breaks Through. We were just given the assignment to paint something just to get into the mood and feel of doing art. I've always had this image in my mind when reading Psalm 57 where is says "I will awaken the dawn" of a beautiful sunny sky meeting and meshing with a starry night sky and so I kind of abstractly threw paint on the paper and this is what came out.
This second one is called This Town is Dead. It's based off of lyrics from a song called Phages from the band The Most Serene Republic. The specific line says "This town is dead from too much living/We'll make our endings from new beginnings". They repeat that multiple times in the song and it was stuck in my head that morning. The colours at the top represent life that seems to be hovering above this dead town.
This one is called Broken Heart (I Wish You Were Here). This one is a bit more personal. An instruction that was given to us before we came to the workshop was to bring an object that had some sort of meaning or value to us. I brought a journal that was given to me by a close friend. In this journal they went through and randomly wrote notes of encouragement, verses, funny quotes, story reminders and just all sorts of stuff that was collected from years of journeying together. I decided I needed some inspiration and just kind of opened it up to a random page and it said this "Tell your dad about what you're doing in South Africa...", and then when you turn the page you see "He is proud of you!". For those of you who don't know, my father passed away tragically when I was 15 and I'm sure you realize that changed my life forever. So I began to think about that and went to get another piece of paper. When I went to pull it out the paper tore a bit on the top. The teacher said not to worry and just grab another one. Still not knowing what I was going to paint I just decided to keep that one. I began with the different colours as a representation of the spirit of Africa, it's bright, vibrant, full of life. Then came the black marks representing the hard times, uncertainty, emotional trials, hard lessons and bad experiences. I wasn't sure where to go from there and I painted the heart in the middle and I realized something. I don't want to just speak into the air to my dad, I want to tell him face to face. I want him to be here. I realized that I will always want that and I will never have that in this life. That's when I finished the rip and it went straight through my heart.
This was my last piece for the first day. It's simply titled Desire. It's a little bit of mixed media (really just a couple of pieces of paper pasted on with some writing on them, the rest is paint). We were asked to think about a question, idea, or anything that we were struggling with or trying to work out and then create something about that with any medium of our choice. I had recently read the book Journey of Desire by John Eldridge and had been struggling with the idea of desire. We get taught so many things in the church about desire that span the whole spectrum, from the idea that all our desires our evil to the thought that God grants all our desires. Those are two extremes, I know, but sometimes it's hard to find where to land. I have so many desires that I'm so afraid to express because I don't know that it's ok to do so. I'm beginning to learn how to dream again, how to imagine. So my desire is in the center here, surrounded by this dark blue that to me represents the unknown. Then there are all these compartments that represent a desire. Somehow they are all being held back by there barriers and I know that only God can help me to really understand and express them.
Day Two
We started the day with a little check-in, the idea being to use any medium to express how you were feeling at the beginning of the day. I'll be honest, I was feeling a little blank and distracted, so when she began to talk about this assignment the first thing that cam to my mind was this green dinosaur. I don't know why, I still can't explain it, but I couldn't get rid of it. So I had to make him. I felt a little silly and then decided to make him a little friend, that's how the little blue guy came about (He was later attacked by a three year old and made into a little ball. Luckily he was saved and I revived him, though you can tell he's still a little mangled!). Then I had some sort of realization. When we wake up, for the most part, we are an emotional blank slate. The first thing that happens to us, be it a memory from the day before, the first greeting from a spouse, whoever (or whatever) lives in your house, or the song on the alarm clock that wakes you up. Sometimes, however, nothing significant happens and you get the rare chance to make a choice about what you get to feel. That day was one of those days for me. So that day, I chose to feel dinosaur. My hope was that focusing on something fun and a little silly would cause me to feel joy. It worked.
Our final assignment was focused on the heart project. At that time I really had no idea what I wanted to do for mine. So I sat for a while and though, and then the last stanza of the Robert Frost poem The Road Not Taken came to mind. It says this:| I shall be telling this with a sigh | |
| Somewhere ages and ages hence: | |
| Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— | |
| I took the one less traveled by, | |
| And that has made all the difference. |
So that was the inspiration of this painting. I know that there are lots of places I could be right now, other countries, states, communities, but I chose this one. The same will be for my heart project. I can choose any medium, any style, any experience to pull from, but I will choose one, and that will make all the difference.
I hope you enjoyed those and they helped you to understand just a bit of what this year has meant for me. In my next blog, as I said, I will be looking forward to what it will mean to be home and what the future holds for me.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Shamari Wangu!
Hello all! It's been a while, I know. Things have been very busy here, but I decided that it was about time to let you all know what we've been up to here in beautiful Africa.
We've really fallen into the rhythm of apprenticeship at this point. We are in the Contending posture now. It's about fighting to see the kingdom of God present in the situations and lives around us. This has become very real in the situation myself and Jody find ourselves in working with Zimbabwe refugees. What does the reality of the present kingdom of God mean for them?
This Manatsa teaching me how to cook pap, a traditional African food.
The language you see behind you on the white board is Shona, the major language of Zimbabwe. This is one of two lessons in which I found out that I'm not very good at learning languages...
We've really fallen into the rhythm of apprenticeship at this point. We are in the Contending posture now. It's about fighting to see the kingdom of God present in the situations and lives around us. This has become very real in the situation myself and Jody find ourselves in working with Zimbabwe refugees. What does the reality of the present kingdom of God mean for them?
To brag a little bit on my friend Jody (he's the guy who got me involved with the refugees), he has made a real effort to not just work with the refugees at the camp but to find people even in our own backyard. One of the guys he met, Manatsa, became a regular part of our communities lives. He was living here in Pretoria North at a construction site that he was working at, which is common for anyone who can find work. As our community became more burdened for what was happening to the Zimbabwe people here and in their own country we started asking more questions of ourselves about what we could do now, besides just praying about it. We can't go in and overthrow the government, but how can we see the kingdom of God manifest for those around us? We decided that we should take Manatsa into our home. After a little bit of room hopping he has more permanently become my roommate. He is a great guy and a man of God. Recently we started a bible study with some of the people we know from the camp that we go to and Manatsa has been coming and helping us with it. It's been such an amazing experience doing this bible study. Jody and I have actually only led a couple. Some of the Christians at the camp got so excited about the way we do bible study that they started leading some themselves. It's been a great exercise in humility and openness to realize that it's not just me who has something to teach these people, but they have a lot to teach me!
This Manatsa teaching me how to cook pap, a traditional African food.
The language you see behind you on the white board is Shona, the major language of Zimbabwe. This is one of two lessons in which I found out that I'm not very good at learning languages...Over all things are going really well here. It's very strange to look back at the person I was before I came on this trip. It's hard to explain it or put my finger on it, but things are just different. One thing that an apprentice from Scotland said to me while I was there that really confirmed that I wanted to do this apprenticeship was that he really saw himself becoming more like Jesus. Now, this may sound like an arrogant or just weird statement at first, but I really get what he was trying to say. I see it in myself. I'm starting to think differently, look at the world differently, even look at God differently. Now this doesn't make me feel any holier than I did yesterday. The reality is that the more you begin to know about God the less you actually know about him, the deeper the mystery becomes. It's like in a mystery story when what was thought to be the last clue was uncovered, only to find that the mystery was more complex than you could have ever imagined. The goal seems to be to become ok with that, to become ok with the mystery, the ambiguity. The other part is that the closer you seem to get to God, the more desperate you are for him. There is this idea I recently read about (How (Not) to Speak of God by Pete Rollins) that takes Pascal's idea of the "God-shaped hole" that we all have in us and turns it a bit on its head. The original thought with the God-shaped hole was that all mankind has this hole in them that we try to fill with all manner of things, but only God can truly satisfy or "fill" that need in us. Rollins says that maybe when our lives intersect with Gods, when our stories become intertwined, the wake of Gods movement through our lives creates a hole, almost like a black hole, that can never be satisfied. There is more of God than we can ever understand so this void in us never completely fills. We will never know enough or be close enough, there will always be more.
So with that I will sign off. I love you all and miss you like CRAZY! I know it's a little early to be thinking this but I can't wait to be home. I truly love Africa and I see traveling as a part of my short and long term future but I've never been this far and this long away from friends and family. You all have a special place in my heart and I can't wait to celebrate what God has done in my life and in Africa with you face to face. Until then I will soak up every moment and opportunity I can. So, until next time, cheers!
So with that I will sign off. I love you all and miss you like CRAZY! I know it's a little early to be thinking this but I can't wait to be home. I truly love Africa and I see traveling as a part of my short and long term future but I've never been this far and this long away from friends and family. You all have a special place in my heart and I can't wait to celebrate what God has done in my life and in Africa with you face to face. Until then I will soak up every moment and opportunity I can. So, until next time, cheers!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Current State of My Heart
This entry is a little different. It doesn't have a lot about what I've been doing because I think you've been seeing a lot of that. I do plan on an update soon with my ministry and what's happening in the community, but I really felt like sharing what's on my heart and just being honest with where I'm at, so here it goes...
You see, I have a tendency to just coast through life. I get everything in order as best I can and hope that nothing really important happens to derail life as I know it. When I get in this mode I can tend to overlook the seemingly small details that in all reality will change my life. While taking a personal holiday in Johannesburg God kind of got my attention. While lost in a slightly dodgey part of town I got into a car accident. Now, everyone was fine, it was just a fender bender, but it shook me up a bit. What really became the problem was that I was stuck alone in Johannesburg with very little hope of immediate rescue. So I spent a few days where I was staying, relatively alone accept for the occasional visits of the one friend I had in Joburg, waiting for someone to drive out there and get me. Well, God showed up. He began to show me that I was beginning to coast through my year here in South Africa. It's not that I'm not doing anything. I mean, I have a ministry with the Zimbabwe refugees, I have my teaching times here with Nieucommunities, I have my house chores, and in the end a plethora of other things to keep me busy. Funny thing is, He didn't call me to South Africa to be busy, He called me here to change my life. All these opportunities for ministry are great and the teaching times and relationships are awesome, but if I'm only going skin deep, if I'm skimming on the assignments, not really doing my reading, not going deep with my friends, no, my family here, than what's really changing my life? The answer would be nothing. It's possible to do all the right things and be in all of the right places and never allow your heart to be transformed. I decided that's not what I wanted and it has made all the difference. This last month has been one of the most amazing months of my time here and the best way that I can explain it is that I'm paying attention to the little things. Do I get it right every day? No. Am I experiencing the grace, mercy and love of God? Yes.
I have a friend Will who recently posted a blog talking about identity. He spoke about how he feels like God is restoring his identity, and I think that is true for me as well. I think for too long we've allowed our identity as the beloved children of God to be stolen from us by the lies of the enemy that make us think that we just aren't good enough, whatever that means for each person. It could be a vice, character flaw, something you've done, something you haven't done, what others are saying about you, what they're not saying... all these things and many, many more can cause us to buy into the lies that seem to put a wall up between us and God. It's a wall, my friends, that we were never meant to scale. Earlier in this year I got a picture in my head of a wall in my heart. This wall wasn't something that I was supposed to climb or tear down, I was just supposed to wait. It seemed like the answers to a lot of questions I have, questions about God, my calling, my future, and such were behind this wall, but there was nothing I could to to tear it down myself. I can see now that He's been tearing the wall down from His side and I'm catching glimpses, some larger than others, of what He's doing in my life. The funny thing is He isn't answering any of my questions. Instead He's showing me who I am. Not who I think I am, but the person He is molding and shaping me to be. This is causing me to face up to a lot of the lies and what damage they've done, but He's calling me back. He's renewing me. In following Him, His calling, mission, and love, I am learning to truly be a follower of Jesus, to be His disciple. We were talking today about how to communicate what it is we do here, a summation statement of sorts. It boils down to this:
Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I really don't deserve it, I know, but for some reason God saw it fit in this time to allow all of us to journey together even though it may be halfway across the world. Let me know how you all are, how I can be praying for you and encouraging you!
You see, I have a tendency to just coast through life. I get everything in order as best I can and hope that nothing really important happens to derail life as I know it. When I get in this mode I can tend to overlook the seemingly small details that in all reality will change my life. While taking a personal holiday in Johannesburg God kind of got my attention. While lost in a slightly dodgey part of town I got into a car accident. Now, everyone was fine, it was just a fender bender, but it shook me up a bit. What really became the problem was that I was stuck alone in Johannesburg with very little hope of immediate rescue. So I spent a few days where I was staying, relatively alone accept for the occasional visits of the one friend I had in Joburg, waiting for someone to drive out there and get me. Well, God showed up. He began to show me that I was beginning to coast through my year here in South Africa. It's not that I'm not doing anything. I mean, I have a ministry with the Zimbabwe refugees, I have my teaching times here with Nieucommunities, I have my house chores, and in the end a plethora of other things to keep me busy. Funny thing is, He didn't call me to South Africa to be busy, He called me here to change my life. All these opportunities for ministry are great and the teaching times and relationships are awesome, but if I'm only going skin deep, if I'm skimming on the assignments, not really doing my reading, not going deep with my friends, no, my family here, than what's really changing my life? The answer would be nothing. It's possible to do all the right things and be in all of the right places and never allow your heart to be transformed. I decided that's not what I wanted and it has made all the difference. This last month has been one of the most amazing months of my time here and the best way that I can explain it is that I'm paying attention to the little things. Do I get it right every day? No. Am I experiencing the grace, mercy and love of God? Yes.
I have a friend Will who recently posted a blog talking about identity. He spoke about how he feels like God is restoring his identity, and I think that is true for me as well. I think for too long we've allowed our identity as the beloved children of God to be stolen from us by the lies of the enemy that make us think that we just aren't good enough, whatever that means for each person. It could be a vice, character flaw, something you've done, something you haven't done, what others are saying about you, what they're not saying... all these things and many, many more can cause us to buy into the lies that seem to put a wall up between us and God. It's a wall, my friends, that we were never meant to scale. Earlier in this year I got a picture in my head of a wall in my heart. This wall wasn't something that I was supposed to climb or tear down, I was just supposed to wait. It seemed like the answers to a lot of questions I have, questions about God, my calling, my future, and such were behind this wall, but there was nothing I could to to tear it down myself. I can see now that He's been tearing the wall down from His side and I'm catching glimpses, some larger than others, of what He's doing in my life. The funny thing is He isn't answering any of my questions. Instead He's showing me who I am. Not who I think I am, but the person He is molding and shaping me to be. This is causing me to face up to a lot of the lies and what damage they've done, but He's calling me back. He's renewing me. In following Him, His calling, mission, and love, I am learning to truly be a follower of Jesus, to be His disciple. We were talking today about how to communicate what it is we do here, a summation statement of sorts. It boils down to this:
We are a missional community helping others to follow in the ways of Jesus.
I pray that this is true of me, that it is true of us all.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I really don't deserve it, I know, but for some reason God saw it fit in this time to allow all of us to journey together even though it may be halfway across the world. Let me know how you all are, how I can be praying for you and encouraging you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
